Free Write: The People I Have Loved

I don't know about you, but as a thirteen year old girl in the eighth grade I kept a journal. It was my little get-away. I could write down all of my frustrations and then feel relieved once my entry was complete. Every night before I fell into deep sleep, I could express everything I had felt that day and then dream about it. One thing that was always a topic scribbled on my pages was my crush. He was unbelievable; perfect in my eyes. All I needed was a way to show him that I deserved his attention. This new boy was such a charmer; he knew just how to make everyone fall in love with his personality. So after I became his good friend, my mission was to make more out of it. Every word that fell out of his mouth made me stumble to his feet. He had this hold on me, for so long, without even knowing the damage being done. For the longest time I felt that out relationship might change. I was in a trance- falling off the face of the earth only to think that this fading figure would catch me. But I learned his games, his tricks, and saw his angle. It was too easy. Still I let myself believe that this fake and troubled young man would always come back to being the charming boy that he once was. All at once I let go. It was an awakening moment: I was free. That person will always make my stumble just a little. He will always make me think of what we could have been, and what he once was. Part of me knows that I did it to myself, and that I made this "love" up in my head. But what can you do.. We were all falling for fairytales at fourteen.